Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I am so upset at myself...

This afternoon, I completely ruined a great book. First of all, let me clarify something. YES, it is an "Oprah book club" selection. YES, I did see it briefly on Oprah, only because it comes on before my show. I saw a review on another news network and decided to get it BEFORE I found out it was on Oprah. Several people have asked me if I saw it on Oprah. I did, but that's not why I got it. ANYWAY, this book I'm reading is excellent. I can't put it down. It's almost 600 pages and I've read about 500 in less than two weeks. It's so descriptive. There's a reason for this, but I won't tell you why. I'm at a critical point in the story and I just couldn't put it down today.
Every chance I had today at work to read a few paragraphs, I took it. I decided that I couldn't do this anymore, because it was getting close to show time and I needed to you know, work and all... So I finished the chapter, which was just one more page. I flipped through the rest of my unread pages see how much I had left, but not really looking. I stopped flipping for like a half a second and there it was! The first three words of a chapter gave a major conclusion away!!! I was so upset! I started crying. I had to go to the bathroom and let the tears out. I was a little embarrassed about what I was crying about. I couldn't believe that happened. I was upset both at what happens in the book but also at myself for seeing it too early.
So now I have to continue reading as if I don't know what's happening. I'm still going to finish it, but I feel like I have cheated myself.

So anyway, read the book. Ir's really good.... Just don't flip through the pages ahead.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Today was a good day. It's been a while since I've smiled sincerely. But I also cried today as well...

Today, Mom gave her "presentation" at the monthly Alzheimer's Support Group meeting. With all the current stresses in her life, she managed to really touch the people there, as well as me. With Papaw in the hospital and working and being on call all the time, her speech wasn't hard for her, although she says she was nervous, but I couldn't tell. She stood behind Dad & I because she knew we would make her cry. Her speech wasn't really rehearsed either. Because it came from the heart. She talked about the struggles we as a family went through while Mamaw's disease progressed. She talked about the funny things Mamaw said and did. She talked about the last few months and how we all came together as a family. What touched me was when Mom talked about the day Mamaw died. She said that on her way to the nursing home shortly after she died, she talked to her. The whole way there. She talked to Mamaw as if she was sitting in the car next to her. She said she told her about all her grandkids and how everyone was doing and what she'd missed, as if she'd just returned from a long trip and was catching up. (That's when I began to cry)

I was proud of her. Thinking about all this and now with Papaw's illness, my mother is a very strong person. Right now I'm sitting here tearing up and trying to hide it just thinking about this, but she spilled her guts about everything and never cracked. That's strength there. I hope and pray that I will never have to do the things that she had to do, but if I do, I hope that I have inherited her strength. She got it from her Dad. That's obvious to me. (See Dad, there are good Martin genes in here somewhere....)

After the meeting, we went back to the hospital, Mom, Dad & I. Papaw was eating his dinner and we sat and talked about politics (a little) and then about old times. We talked about what we did and didn't remember about our childhoods. Dad said he remembered Mickey dropping a large rock on Jimmy's hand when they were kids. I remember going to New Jersey, but not much about DC, even though it was the same trip. I don't remember Disney World. I remember shaving the toilet seat in my parent's bathroom with my dad's razor (I was like 6, don't ask!) I remember Pete breaking his arm on the swing at Mamaw & Papaw's. I don't remember eating the bottle of Flintstones vitamins and being in the ER shortly after, but I do remember being in the hospital when I was about 10. I remember Dad hitting the windshield of the car with his fist while driving and it cracking. I vaguely remember sitting in front of the TV watching the shuttle taking off and then exploding, although that could be just from outside stories and then me envisioning it.

This is why it was a good day. We were surrounded by all types of things that would create negative thoughts: the hospital, Papaw being sick, trying to figure out who was going to sit with Papaw tomorrow, memories of Mamaw's illness, the cold weather outside, our busy work days tomorrow... But no one was dwelling on those things. Instead we were laughing at each other for something past and now insignificant.

My favorite picture of Mamaw. Clutching her Bible with a grand smile.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


Papaw is in the hospital again. He has been under the weather for the last few days. Please pray for him.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I haven't been around much lately... Sorry. I've been really into reading these last few weeks. I finished Randy Pausch's book. Very good and inspiring. I have started a book called The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, by David Wroblewski. The gist of it, it's about a boy and his dog. Or dogs I should say. It's a slow read, but pretty good. It's very illustrative and wordy, but I like it because it gives you a complete picture in your mind.
Plus I've been watching all the new seasons of my shows... Eli Stone, CSI, Heroes, Fringe, Ghost Whisperer. I've also been running a lot. I started running the roads. Down 40th St to 23rd and down to the cemetery and back. Once I get pretty comfortable with that, I'm going to go further, to Country Club Road to 10th Avenue and back. It's a little longer and through neighborhoods I haven't driven thru in a while. I'm going tomorrow and Thursday. It's supposed to rain on Friday, so I'll end up in the gym then I'm sure.
I signed up for a couple of local runs. There's one on Nov. 15 and Dec. 6.

Work has been well, work. There'll be a few changes coming soon. The part-time workers are being "transfered" to the news department. Well, sort of. I will be making the schedules, but they will be working for both the newscasts and the news department, which will keep them busier. Hopefully, these changes will make some things better. We'll see.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Gracie Visits Papaw

Ken, Deb, Becky and baby Gracie came over today. They were in Columbus and stopped here before going back to Vicksburg. Gracie is 8 1/2 weeks old.

Proud Great-Grandpop!! (4 generations in this photo!)

Sleepy Little One

The perfect Mischievous face.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Boring week.

This has been a boring week. Not much to speak of. We went to the circus yesterday. We couldn't stay for the duration because we had to go back to work. It was strange. I hadn't been since I was a kid. We were also one of the only couples there without kids. It was free for us so, it was okay.
Tonight I have to shoot the football game in Enterprise. I hope I don't get run over by any players....
Tomorrow I think I'm going to wake up early and go running down the road. It's right at 4 miles if I go to Magnolia Cemetery and back.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

We Voted Today!!!

Wes & I filled out our South Carolina Absentee Ballots today. There were 7 names listed for President. I've only heard of 3 of them (McCain, Obama and Cynthia McKinney-I've heard her name in the news a few times. I don't know who she is.)

For Mamaw....

Pics of Dalton

From Yesterday... Dalton is Kevin & Kim's little boy.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Nothing ever changes in a small town.

Okay so my busy Saturday started out a bit confusing and slow, then picked up a bit, then ended in utter disappointment.
First off, Mom, Dad & I had a good time this morning at the Memory Walk. We got there an hour early because the time on the website was wrong. That's okay. There were a total of eight Team Inez members. We were the second largest team. West Lauderdale High School's HOSA club was there with about 20. I won first place for most donations raised by an individual. I got a trophy... (I've got pictures. I'll load them later.)

After the walk, I went home to quickly shower and we headed for Quitman for a BBQ with Wes' parents. Kevin & Kim were there with Dalton. He's 10 months old. Precious... (I'll load those pics tomorrow)
Then off to the reunion....

Since I got home from the reunion tonight, I've been thinking about the meaning of the word. Reunion. It means a seeing someone/something you haven't seen in a while. Reminiscing about the days of old and catching up on the times in between. Well, that didn't happen... At all. It was like I stepped back into high school. First of all, I felt really bad for Amber. She put a lot of time (& money) into this. There were only nine "graduates" there. Out of the nine, there were two couples. (Wes was actually the only one there who DIDN'T attend Enterprise.) The owners of the building kind of jipped Amber by promising live music, but then reneged on that a few days before. Also, Amber was given a lot of "maybes" and had to estimate for the caterer. Well, ALL of those maybes turned into No's. She ended up in the hole big time.

When I got there, everyone was standing around talking. I tried to mingle around, but got the cold shoulder a few times, just like old times. Instead of asking each other how are things and where are you know? The questions I heard were where did you go last night, and why didn't you call me back the other day. Questions that you'd ask someone you see often. I suddenly realized that I was the only one asking the typical reunion questions. So for me, I was at a reunion. To everyone else, it was simply another get together. I felt alone. I felt like Wes looked. Bored and not "knowing" anyone, displaying that "courtesy laugh" you give when you really don't want to be in the conversation. I also came to realize that I was the only one there who left Enterprise and never went back. Everyone else wasn't there for a reunion. They reunite everyday. At the school when they drop off their kids and see their former classmates as teachers. At church every Sunday. On Saturdays at the pee-wee football or baseball game their kids play together on. I'm not in any of those things.
I was expecting a room full of friendly, mature, grown-up faces, and "What are you doing now?" questions. I was prepared with my camera, pictures, printed cards with my info on them and a notebook to collect addresses. I never took my camera out of its case. I showed Kim & Michael a picture of Pete. That was it. Funny how these things turn out. I was looking forward to reuniting with folks and I came out with nothing. Not even an address or phone number. The only positive is that I've reunited with Amber. And that was just by luck of running into her at the fair last week. I don't yet know what to say about all this. I'm a bit confused, but I know I shouldn't be. I'm not going to dwell on it. Actually, it somewhat reiterates the reasons for several life choices I've made throughout the years, if that makes any sense.

I'm going to bed now. I had 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night and I have to be up early for Sunday School and church. (The banana bread is very good by the way!) More on all this later. I'll load pictures tomorrow.


Banana mashing is fun!!!

I just finished baking my first loaves of bread. I made three small loaves of Banana bread from scratch. One is Apple butter banana bread and the others are plain banana bread with walnuts. It smells delicious in here!! I've always wanted a bread maker. I still don't have one, but I think I can manage. I used loaf pans. I made them for our Sunday School class. I wanted to do something besides donuts or breakfast casserole. I saw these recipes in the Betty Crocker and realized that I had found a project! It's 1:30 am right now and I have to be at the Alzheimer's walk at 7:30 or so. I also have a cook out at Wes' parents at noon and then we have to go to my High School reunion at 6pm. I'll be tired tomorrow, but I'll manage. I'm currently waiting for the bread to cool so I can wrap it up and go to bed.

Yesterday, I finished reading Flags of our Fathers. It's a great book. I've seen the movie, but books are almost always better. This one hits closer to home because my (great) Uncle was a flamethrower and was there when the flag went up on Iwo Jima. He wrote a few short memoirs of his experiences that day and the days following. His stories are nearly identical to the book, but you can tell in his writings that he was haunted by what he saw. His English is bad which makes it a bit difficult to read, but I find it fascinating. I am proud to say that I have relatives who served our country on such historic days. I am also proud to say that my 6th Great Grandfather on my Dad's side was a man named Ferdinand Kowall. He was Copernicus' Assistant. He helped Copernicus prove that the world was round and traveled with him during his academic quests.

This morning, I started reading Randy Pausch's book, Last Lecture. I have not been able to put it down. I have read over a hundred pages already. It's a small book, but full of wonderful life lessons from a man who knew his fate. I'm pretty sure I'll finish it before the weekend is up.

I think my bread is cool enough now. I'm going to bed. I have to be up in 4 hours... If you see me yawning tomorrow, pinch me and tell me it's my own fault for staying up so late. I could have just bought donuts.....

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Someone's got a dirty job....

Mike Rowe is so funny!!! I'm currently watching the new Dirty Jobs episode. Not much going on this week. Well, not yet. This weekend is going to be busy... Saturday morning is the Alzheimer's Memory Walk. After that I have to come home and get ready to go to Wes' parents house for a lunch cook-out. Then after that we have to head back to Meridian for my 10 year reunion! I've been talking to Amber a lot this week. Catching up on old times... I'm beginning to feel better about this reunion. I hope things go well and everyone can "reunite" and I can gain some new "old" friends.

Pete is suffering this week from a kidney stone. He had the surgery today where they zap it into little pieces and take it out. But the stone was so big that it damaged his uterer when they pulled the pieces out. They put a stent in and he'll be in pain until they take it out. Please pray for him & Kelly.

Friday, October 3, 2008

I'm old....

I learned today that next weekend, my High School class will be having a 10-year class reunion! Ouch! Wes & I went to the fair tonight. (It was boring.) But there was a reason I was there. I ran into Amber (Speed) Downs. She is actually putting it together. She asked me if I had gotten my letter yet. I haven't. I am calling her tomorrow to find out if I can help in any way.
I'm a bit nervous about it!!! I haven't seen anybody since right after graduation. We'll see....